I want to get married but...

Salam,

Of course no one can disagree from an Islamic perspective that the belief one should get married earlier is best. Due to societal pressures and natural inclinations. Recently I’ve seen some brothers and sisters become trend settaz with doing their nikkah and holding off until the actual wedding and valima. Now we have to use our intelligence and be practical also, but what annoys me is alot of parents think you have to posess a degree before you can get married. I disagree, if you want your child to be within the parameters of shariah you should get their nikkah done and place trust in Allah.

I’m not saying the couple should live togetheir right away, all im saying is in this type of society its easy to slip on shatan’s mopped floor. To avoid accidents, their are precautionary actions which are very beneficial that can avoid either sex from crossing boundaries, you know what I mean by that term. Don’t think too deep though.

Looking for a suitable partner is not easy, but at the same time maintaining our eman is extremely important. The question is where do you draw the line in looking for that special person? Of course you will get a whole unique set of answers. One of the thing that Islam puts emphasis on is marriage. Marriage is half of your life, you will be with a certain human being of the opposite sex until the day you die. (I HOPE) No Adam and Steve up in this. Anyhows let me get back to my point, with the cultural challenges and everyday gender interaction, we can all agree its not real easy to just completely leave it alone. Its part of our nature to have affection for the opposite sex and we should follow the set principles and guidelines in order to go about completing this.

One hadith which really amazed me was The Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “A woman is married for her wealth, her reputation, her beauty, or her religion. Choose the religious one or you may be ruined.” [Bukhari, Volume 7, Book 62, Number 27] Very interesting, it’s easy for many people to look at this and say ” oh can’t I marry a hot girl”. Well see you need to realize something, its not about the looks, looks are decieving, its about the actions. Now if you get a beautiful woman that has good actions, then your set .

Now the question of the day, how do you go about finding the opposite spouse? make a dua out of desperation and full intention from your heart. Inshallah you will find your suitable spouse. According to sunnipath, one dua is “Rabbana aatina fi’d dunya hasana wa fi’l aakhirati hasana wa qina `adhab an-nar.” [O Lord! Grant us good in this life, and good in the next, and save us from the torment of the Fire] (Qur’an, 2: 200), intending a suitable and righteous spouse with “fi’d dunya hasana” (good in this life).

I know at the end of the day, for many people its hard to stick within the limits, but I guess defining limits is a term that is very flexible these days. The solution, the parents from the generation before need to understand the challenges for the youth right now. This isn’t pakistan, their needs to be dialog and understanding. Parents gotta help their kids when they are ready before they up doing something which is haram. So if your a parent reading this and your son or daughter is complaning about getting married. Make MOVES SOON! Of course you gotta be practical as I said before but don’t miss the chance when you have a good person at the table.

Alot of brothers and sisters want to get to know each other before they get married, hmm I don’t think their is nothing with that. I think you should definitely know a person before you marry them. The question is how much is enough? At the end of the day you gotta love someone fo real, not because you were forced into it. So we need to think about how are we going to approach this without getting out of hand but also bring the real relationships of familys back. As Abdul Malik said ” Alot of desi parents don’t even face each other in bed”.

So whats the solution? you tell me…that was just scratching the surface.

May Allah give us patience in finding a spouse and give us the right understanding to fix our problems. Ameen!

Oh yea one more official Hadith before i bounce….

Sayyiduna Umar (Allah be pleased with him) said, “I heard the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) say, "If you relied on Allah as He should be relied on, He would provide for you as He provides for birds. They go out hungry in the early morning, and return full in the evening.” [Tirmidhi] The scholars note that birds do not merely place their trust in Allah: they go out early, and take all means to fulfill their goal.

by Saad ahmad Rashad